Hunger, Thirst...

 One day, while traveling from work to home, I felt so hungry and thirsty. I am also not feeling very well that time. What I did was, I went to a fast food and ate breakfast for a while. But it wasn't enought. I still feel cold and lost. I feel so empty. I decided to reflect on what happened to me.

Then, I found myself searching for an answer. Lately, I've been asking God, "How may I know You better? Deeper? more intimate? when the people around me cannot sustain my spiritual need? When they can't help me fire up my faith?"

I know. I know. That I shouldn't depend my faith on my surroundings. But the bible says in
 I Thessalonians 5:11, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." And I think, that's where I was lacking. I don't have a group that encourage me. I don't have a group that tells me that's everything gonna be fine. I don't have a group that prays for me and prays with me. I don't have a group that continualy talks to me and ask me how I was. It saddens me.

Though I manage to have my daily devotion. I pray and keep laying to God my heartaches, I know I still need some people to be with me and worship God together. I actually miss that feeling.

Right now, I am happy. That I know I am no longer just another Christian but I am growing by the Grace of God and it is a great thing that happened to me. I found myself longing for more of God. I found myself thirsty for God's Word.

Now, I am praying for God's guidance in my personal decisions and I am praying to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. I hope you could pray for me too. :)

Thanks for reading! God bless you!

STEADY MY HEART (Story of a brokenhearted)

There comes the 7 months of kilig, happiness, and lovable moments. And here comes the "i don't know until when" forgetting. But I know, I have moved on.


Here I am again. Listening to Kari Jobe songs. And hours ago, I met a friend named Ate Mitz and she shared to me this wonderful and blessed song of Kari. "STEADY MY HEART". Let me dissect the lyrics...


"Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much "


Yes. Sana hindi nalang ganito kasakit. Hindi ganito kasaklap. May mga pagkakataon talaga na ang sakit-sakit na. ANG SAKIT-SAKIT NA! Hindi ko deserve toh anoba! Bakit nga ba masakit? Kasalanan ko kasi. Masiyado akong nag-expect. Nag-assume. MABAIT AKO EH! ang galing galing ko kasi. Malawak ang imahinasyon ko kaya akala ko ang mga pangyayaring ito ay hindi panaginip, yung pala tulog ako sa katotohanan na, "HELLO. KAIBAGAN LANG PO." At nung magising na ako. ARAY! Sana hindi nalang ako natulog. Sana hindi ko nalang hinayaang matulog ako sa katotohanan na yon. Sana nung araw na makilala ko siya, gising na ako. Sana madali na ibalik yung nakaraan para maitama ko lahat. Kasi hindi. I am emotionally ruined. My heart was crushed into pieces. So here I am, picking up the pieces of my broken heart...but wait!


"But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You"


"God heals a broken heart. But He has to have all the pieces." Siguro maka ilang ulit ko nang sinabi toh sa sarili ko pero hindi parin ako nagtatanda. So now. I am more matured, mas naiintindihan ko na lalo itong kowt na toh na mga 1000X ko na pinaulit-ulit. One night ng marealized ko na wala na lahat sa amin, I prayed sabi ko, "LORD, I wanna know if You're answer is No, Yes or WAIT." Ang tapang ko. Kahit alam kong kapag NO ang sagot ni LORD, magiging masakit sa akin. Pero ayun. After one day, God gave me a sign na NO nga talaga ang sagot Niya. Hay. Wala na. Tapos na lahat. sumunod nadin yung pangyayari na pati siya nawala na talaga. Nangyari na yung kinaktakutan ko, "STRANGERS AGAIN" But God heals me. I know.


"Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just fall apart"


Kahit masaket. Kahit mahirap. Kahit lahat malusaw. HAHA. 


"I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul healer of my heart
Steady me heart"


Matapos ang masakit na pangyayari, Wala naman talaga akong ibang tinakbuhan, si LORD lang. Iyak ako ng iyak kay LORD. wagas. hanggang ngayon. Parang lahat ng sakit ibinubuhos ko na sa Kanya. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ramdam ko ang yakap Niya. KINIKILIG AKO! Wala nang ibang masarap na moment maliban sa moment na kasama ko ang LORD. WAGAS! Di ko maexplain. Ang saya ko lang kahit naiyak ako. Wala lahat. Napawi ang sakit at pagdurusa. 


"I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan "


Ngayon. Dahil naibuhos ko na sa LORD lahat. Hindi ko na kailangan mag-worry. Kung makita ko siya oh kahit anu mang bagay o lugar na magpapa-alala sakin ng tungkol sa kanya, alam kong makakaya ko na harapin ang kinabukasan. HAHA! iniwan ko na siya sa nakaraan. Siya pa nga yung nagsasabi sakin noon, "Pwede mong alalahanin ang nakaraan, wag ka lang papaiwan dun." Well, naka move on na ako. Heto na ako sa present time. :D Bye VINTAGE. Ang saya lang. Kasi alam kong si Lord ang may kapit ng buhay ko. At Alam kong hindi lang basta nangyari itong broken heart thing na ito. GOD PLANNED THIS TO TEACH ME SOMETHING. Ang galing mamalo ng LORD. EPEKTIB! nakakagising talaga. eye-opener! 


Sa mga nangyaring ito. 7 months...marami akong natutunan. OO. masaya ako na kasama ang guy na yun, masaya ako na nakilala ko siya, masaya ako na naging parte ako ng buhay niya at naging parte siya ng buhay ko. Pero isa siya sa mga bagay na dapat kong i-let go. bakit? BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME SO.


No more questions to ask. 
Now. I'm praying for the guy na hindi ko pa nakikita, maybe. Yung guy na nabuo lamang ng aking imahinasyon...si MARTIN. 
(Here's the story of MARTIN, if you want to read. http://www.wattpad.com/4407366-memories)


GOD BLESS! <3

God's Answer

"Lord, kung hindi po siya para sa akin, wag Niyo nalang pong iaallow na magtext siya sa akin bukas kahit alam kong magtetext siya."

June 13, 2012. 1:45 AM. I prayed to God with all the courage I have. I wanna know His answer to my endless prayer. Ang prayer ko na, "Lord, sana siya na po."

So, after praying that night, I fell asleep. Then God woke me up 6:30 in the morning. I prayed, feed my hungry spirit, prayed again and checked on my cellphone. There are maybe 5 messages. I read them all. Pero wala siyang text.

I went to school. I randomly checked my cellphone but there are still no text message from him.

I went home, check on my cellphone and still, no text message.

I get my hair firmed and I almost forgot that I was waiting for his text. Then it's around 10PM already when I checked my cellphone. OHEY! there are messages. I opened it. Read it, but non of it are from him. WAAA. There will be no other way for him to text me. I know by this time, he's asleep already.

So it is so clear to me now. God's answer is no.
But instead of being sad because the guy I've been praying for is not for me, I am happy. Knowing that God is preparing me ro be the right girl to the one He made just for me. And I'm so excited. :)

So if you're in love and you are doubting, don't be afraid to ask God's help. He's always been there and He will give you the direct answer.

BE HAPPY. GOD BLESS!

June 12. Independence Day! (Sabi ni Chasie)

Okay. Since it's independence day. I'm gonna share you something. It's a free country right? We can say whatever we want as long as we don't hurt someone. HURT.

HURT. Redundant lang ang peg ano? Masakit kasi, minsan. HAHA
May mga bagay kasi na minsan, hindi natin inaakalang magbabago. Minsan hindi natin inaakalang titindi, at madalas, hindi natin mabitawan.

Let me introduce to you...Chasie...Ang babaeng sumulat sa akin. ito ang kanyang sulat

Dear ate, 
Hi ate! Alam ko pong hindi mo naman ako kilala pero bigla nalang ako nag message sayo. Nababasa ko po kasi ang blog mo at natutuwa ako kapag masaya ang post mo, naiyak ako kapag malungkot ang post mo. Nakakarelate po kasi ako sa mga post mo. At ate, parang gusto ko pong malaman mula sa inyo kung anong dapat kong gawin....

WAIT CUT! Dapat niyang gawin? ASDFGHJKL! Hindi ko nga alam kung anong dapat kong gawin Chasie, tapos hihingi ka pa ng advise sa akin..huhu. anyways..let's move on

Kasi ate ganito. May isang guy po akong matagal ko nang crush. Tapos ngayon naman po ka close ko na siya. At syempre po, hindi ko po naiwasang main love sa kanya. Kasi parang lahat ng mga sinasabi niya, ginagawa ay nag lilead sakin ng pagka inlove sa kanya kahit hindi ko naman dapat lagyan ng meaning ang mga ginagawa niya sakin. Tapos dumating pa sa punto na nagseselos ako sa mga nakakatext niya, nakakausap kahit alam kong hindi naman dapat. Magkaibigan lang kasi kami. Tapos kapag hindi siya nagrereply, hinanahanap-hanap ko na yung reply niya. Ngayon po, parang napansin ko sa kanya nagbago siya. Yung mga bagay na ginagawa niya noon, hindi na niya ginagawa. Naiisip ko nga po, baka nakakita na siya ng iba na mas magpapasaya sa kanya. Naiyak nalang ako. Ang martyr ko po. Iyak ako ng iyak dahil sa kanya. Wala po akong magawa. Hindi naman siya akin pero bakit kailangan ko mag-let go? Hindi naman naging kami pero bakit kailangan kong mag-move on? Ate, pakiramdam ko expert ka na sa mga situation ng friendzoned. Kaya ate..help po. 

Chasie 

Isa lang ang sagot ko diyan. NAGSESELOS SI LORD! Ano ba neng! Hindi mo kailangan umiyak sa isang guy ng paulit-ulit, paulit-ulit, ulit-ulit! ano ba! Kung ang joke nga isang beses lang natin tinatawanan eh. Di ba? Hindi ka martyr. Kase alam mong nasasaktan ka. Ang martyr kase eh yung mga hindi na nasasaktan. ga immune na. Nagmamahal ka lang talaga. Ang best way na gawin sa friendzoned relationship na yan, just be friends. I-enjoy niyo ang friendship niyo. Wag kayong mageexpect. Wag kayong mag-aassume. Kung kiligin, edi kiligin. Di ba? Simple lang. Wag intrigera! Kasi ang Lord, tatlo lang ang sinasagot Niya sa prayer. Eh teka? Pinagpepray mo naman ba sya? AY NAKO! PRAYER MUNA BEYBE! Oh siya 3 answers of God sa prayer,

1. YES. Dahil kung sa'yo talaga siya at time na para maging sayo siya. Agad-agad! Ibibigay yan ni LORD.

2. NO. Syempre. May mga bagay na hindi para sa atin kahit ilang bese natin ipagpilitan na maging atin. Kumbaga, sa isang shop na lahat ng tinda ay unique and original, once na nakuha na ng iba, hindi mo na makakanya. Hahanap ka na ng iba. Di ba? At isa pa. Kapat kumuha ka ng isang basong tubig sa dagat, tapos tinapon mo ulit, at kumuha ka ulit, you won't get the same water your just poured.

3. WAIT! Love is patient..patient..patient. kase walang saket! ay joke. Kasi Ang gusto ng LORD, matuto tayo. Kaya minsan, kahit gaano katagal, kailangan natin maghintay. At sa pagiintay natin, maraming lessons ang ibibigay ng LORD. Dahil nung makilala mo siya, siguro hindi pa right time at baka hindi padin kayo right para sa isa't-isa kaya gusto ng Lord maging ready kayo. Ito lang lang, instead na maghanap ka ng RIGHT GUY/RIGHT GIRL, be the RIGHT ONE muna. di ba??? ANSAVE?


Natouch kaya si Chasie? HAHAHA

okay. that's all! Hindi ko ineexpect toh. Ako ba toh? HAHA

Write me a letter @ https://www.facebook.com/zelle.rana

GOD BLESS! :) Sana makatulong ako sa mga nagbabasa ng blog na toh. THANK YOUU! <3

Pasensya na Chasie, independence day ngayon kaya kung ano-anong sinasabi ko. HAHA

I'll make sure to keep my distance

The sun is filling up the room

And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have

So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?

BUKO. BUhay KO

Tonight, I will be telling you a story. There was this guy I've met 4 years ago. He's tall. Thin, and of course, I was stunned with his angel like face. I actually daydreamed about him since the day I met him. But sadly, I didn't get a chance to talk to him, not even once. I don't why. Whenever I see him walking along the hallway, I am left speechless. I am like a fan who couldn't talk to her idol. I know, he never knew of these things I do for him because he never noticed me then. I actually wanted to talk to him, but I don't know what to say. Then I was shocked when he added me on facebook last Aug of 2010. Why? Then I knew he's my classmates cousin.

After a year of leaving school, he was out of my mind. I came back to school to finish my studies. And of course, there's Intramurals, and after one year, I saw him again. He was playing volleyball. I cheered for him. He is still that guy I saw 4 years ago. Tall, thin and owns the angelic face that never gets old. Who would knew it? I felt that same old feeling. But still, I am left speechless.

I am fascinated with those youtube starts who gained their popularity by singing in front of the camera and upload it on youtube. So I decided to do their stuff. But it's not about gaining popularity.  I recorded a song, edited it, and out of nowhere, uploaded it on facebook. I tagged friends who are close to me just to let them know that I am fond with this stuff. But then, I never knew that I accidentally tagged him. YES! HIM. He posted a comment that make me feel those butterflies on my stomach. He even made a request and urgently, I grant it. AT LAST! I may get a chance to talk to him. Then, he left me a message saying, "Ang galing mo naman kumanta." And those endless talks on facebook continued. Until we get to text each other, calls, every night, every day.  As time passed by, he started to show some care, worry, and concern. He laughs at my jokes, I laugh at his jokes too.  I have given so much time on him. Since then, I asked myself, What is this? 

It became clear to me when he, himself, directly told me that I am just a friend to him. Yes it hurts. It feels like everything we had was scattered into pieces, so as my heart. I'm broken. I cried a lot. I even randomly whip my hair back and forth  while I am alone in my room. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. He fills my mind. After that night, we met. We had personal talks. We became so much closer. Knowing that someone is sorry for breaking your heart is such a relief. He's sorry. Maybe, he overused the word SORRY that night. 

There are many situations that tested our friendship. Even an argument. That was when I felt the fear of loosing someone. I really did everything I had to do just to make him stay. My feelings grew more every single day. Even though I knew that we are just friends, I'm still in love with him. Everyday, I tell myself not to expect too much, not to fall too deep, because we are just friends. And every time I tell those words, I get hurt, I cry. But after all these pains, heartaches, and fear. We're still good friends. And both of us are just wondering what God has planned for us? If you could imagine all our experiences together, you might think that this relationship will end up nothing. That maybe, the both of us  might be just STRANGERS AGAIN. But no. A big NO! God didn't allowed it. And I know He has better plans. 

As for now, I am praying for God's answer. And everyday, my devotion points out the thought of WAITING. Maybe God wants me to wait a little longer. To PATIENTLY WAIT. But I have prepared myself to whatever answer that God would give me. If it YES, I'd be so much thankful. If it is NO, I know God has better plans. 

But if God created him for someone else, here are some trivia about him

- If you're texting him at night, don't be mad at him when he don't stay up late. He's the kind of person who can randomly sleep anytime.

- Don't meet him at McDo Sta. Cruz, Ministop may do. You can enjoy walking with him at the Capital after eating. :) 

- Have a bunch of stories stored on your mind. Tell him a story every time. He's a good listener.

- Love music. Especially slow music. He love to share music, sing your favorite song, and listens to you while you sing. 

- If you want to win his stomach, cook ampalaya.

- Don't let him eat too much salty food. He had UTI. okay?

- When he's sad or upset, don't give him advice, JUST LISTEN TO HIM.

- If you're going out with him at such a sudden time, don't mind him wearing  FIONA sleepers. He's cute when he wears it.

- Cheer him up everyday! He gets a little emotional on simple things. 

- Don't cry in front of him. He might get mad at you, you'll cry even more. LOL. Just don't cry, he don't like that. Just be happy. ALWAYS

- If the relationship you have with him hurts you, don't let him go. Knowing someone will leave him makes him sad.

- Love GOD. He loves GOD too. :) Let God be the center of your relationship. 

These are not terms and conditions. Just keep these words in mind. You might be the person that can win his heart so, just so you know, I posted this blogpost to let you know that he is such a great person. I can't think of myself falling in love with any other guys. Even those guys that is better that him. But I know time will come, this feelings may fade if we are not meant to be. 

But now, all I can say is, "I won't give up."

because I believe in the power of PRAYER. <3

GOD BLESS! <3

*Why BUKO? Because I am listening to Jireh Lim's BUKO while typing this. :)

BUKO! BUhay KO! <3

OUR 18 SONGS! :)

or should I say, "songs that reminds me of him." LOL

1. Di lang ikaw - Juris Fernandez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zklixG2_GnQ

Ito yung isang song na nakakapgpaalala sa akin sa kanya. Ito kasi yung song na nirequest niyang i-cover ko noon. At walang kapractice-practice, ni cover ko naman agad yun. And just last friday, napagusapan namin toh. Sabi ko, "Naalala mo yung 'Di lang ikaw?'" sabi niya, "Oo. para sakin ba talaga yun?" ,
"Oo naman."
"Edi hindi lang ako?"
"Oo. Di lang ikaw."
"Ah ganun. Hindi lang pala ako."
"Ano bang ibig sabihin mo?"
"Di lang ako ang kaibigan mo. Ikaw naman."
"HAHAHA. Pero IKAW LAMANG."
"HAHAHA"

Well, actually, this song gave me so much painful moments to remember. Whenever I hear this song, it feels like breaking up with my boyfriend. and painful part was, I DON'T HAVE ONE! LOL kay-on!

2. Without You - AJ RAFAEL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh7iqK97OAQ

Ito lang naman yung tanging kanta na pinakinggan ko nung birthday niya. At pakiramdam ko kasi siya yung nakanta. HAHA. Kasi naman, I called him 12:00 midnight nung birthday niya and out of nowhere, kinanta niya toh. :) So ayun! <3 kinilig naman si ako. Kahit hanggang ngayon kinikilig padin ako sa kantang toh. And one night, kinanta ko nadin sa kanya toh habang naiyak ako. :( Whenever I hear this song, it brings me back dun sa mga moment na...basta...#KILIGAKOMAGISA

3. Tadhana - Up Dharma Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxxl25jnlVg

Ito yung song na ni-post niya one time sa FB. and I played it, raped the replay button and realized. Hindi naman pala ako nakakarelate eh. Napaka un-aware ko lang. Tapos after ng 30 times replay maybe, narealize ko, super relate ako dun sa isang line

"Bakit di pa sabihin ang hindi mo maamin. Ipauubaya nalang ba toh sa hangin? Wag mong ikatakot ang bulong ng damdamin mo. Naririto ako makikinig sayo."

I was actually expecting na may sasabihin siya sakin or something. Or maybe I am expecting too much again. Or baka ako naman ang hindi umaamin? Kaya simula ng marinig ko ang kantang toh, naging honest na ako sa kanya. As in! Naging honest din naman siya sa akin, inamin niya friends lang ang turing niya sa akin. well, that's life. You cannot get all you want. Di ba? Pero there are times na kinakanta niya sakin toh via phone. At literal na yung favorite line ko lang! HAHAHA

4. Can we just stop and talk awhile - Gary V and Kyla
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpOKaXn3hjA

HIS FAVORITE SONG! :) Alam mo ba kung bakit? Dahil dun sa first love niya. Habang ako, nakarelate ako sa song dahil sa kanya. hehe this song tells it all! :) pakinggan mo nalang. <3

"can we just stop and talk awhile get to know each other. Who are we to know? LOVE COULD BE WAITING AT THE END...COULD BE...SHOULD BE.." LOL

5. In love - RJ Jimenez
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwhB4jHkKhw

Ito lang naman yun eh, "Smiling there by my side. Easing all the pain i have inside." Kapag magkasama kasi kami, naka smile lang siya lagi. at ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam na makita siyang ganun. Nawawala ng sakit na nararamdaman. And when I heard this song, sabi ko, "I MUST BE IN LOVE." kasi lahat ng sinabi sa kantang toh, naramdaman ko. Pwera dun sa part na, "You kiss me."  hahaha


6. Kismet - Silent Sanctuary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps38yYM3Bas

Noon pa man, favorite ko na ang song na ito. Tapos, lalo na nung kinanta niya sakin toh madalas. :) hehe. ewan ko ba dun. lage nalang toh kinakanta niya. HAHAHA. Kaya naiimagine ko tuloy, siya yung nakanta pag pinapakinggan ko toh, hehe
Sorry maikli. Nakakarelate din kasi ako dito dahil dun sa dati kong mahal. Eh wala na. HAHA


7. Kundiman - Silent Sanctuary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoPLNl8iHDw

Nabasa na nga pala niya ang blog kont ito! :) Kaya wala na akong secreto sa kanya. HAHAHA. Ayun! Habang binabasa niya kasi ang blog ko, sabi niya ito ang pinapakinggan niya. :) Pero relate much din ako sa kantang toh.

"Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo wag mong kalimutan, nandito lang ako laging umaalalay. Hindi ako lalayo. Dahil ang tanging panalangin ko ay IKAW."
Paano ba ako nakarelate? Ganito, kahit gaano kasakit yung pain na naramdaman ko dahil sa kanya, hindi ako nagbago. Hindi ako umiwas. Hindi ako nangiwan. Kasi, pinagpray ko sa LORD toh. At alam kong sinagot ng LORD ang prayer ko. Kaya kahit anong mangyari. Andito lang ako lagi para sa kanya. :) Dahil hanggang ngayon, SIYA PADIN ANG TANGING PANALANGIN KO SA LORD.

8. Stay - Chris Cayzer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwkwdKvcp7g

TRY THIS. Isulat mo sa paper, "YATZ" All caps huh? then Tapat mo sa mirror.

Nakita mo ba? then yan ang reason  kung bakit favorite ko toh. Actually, since nung December, tawag ko na sa kanya YATZ, pero nadiscover ko lang na stay ang kabaligtaran niya nung feb lang. AWKWARD. HAHAHA. Tapos siya, matagal na pala niyang napansin. HAHA. adeek. Ayun. Pero may  narealize ako. STAY. kasi...STAY being FRIENDS. :)

9. Strangers Again - Migz Haleco
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8FCqm8kV2M

He introduced me this song. Hobby namin madalas ang mag sheran ng new songs na nalalaman namin. Ayun. Nakarelate lang ako sa song na ito nung nagkaroon kami ng argument and natakot akong baka maging "Strangers again" kami kaya ayun. kinanta ko sa kanya toh at sinabing, "Please wag tayong maging strangers."

10. Buko - Jireh Lim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5HVNhOstEU

Bago ko lang nalaman ang kantang toh. At inintroduced ko sa kanya tong kantang toh kasi natutuwa ako sa tune at sa lyrics. :) Pero hindi naman talaga ako nakakarelate masiyado. Lately lang, ito ang lagi namin kinakanta via phone. <3

" Kung inaakala mong ang pag-ibig ko ay magbabago. Itaga mo sa bato."
Oh well, hindi po kasi mawawala eh. HAHAHA Mahal kasi kita, friend. LOL

11. Forevemore - Side A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToOYHgqbGgE

"There are time when I just want to look at your face."
-OO. madalas, ito lang ang gusto kong gawin pag kasama ko siya

tapos...
"You were just a dream that I once knew."
-Kasi naman, kahit noon pa, madalas na siya lumalabas sa dream ko. At kahit hanggang ngayon. :) Parang dati kasi, dream ko lang na makausap siya. Ngayon, walang kaeffort-effort, nakakausap ko siya. :D

12. By Chance - JR Aquino
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNIXegxDWQQ

Ito lang naman po kasi yung song na kinanta niya nung birthday ko. At ito lang naman po kasi yung song na ni-request niya nung sinayaw niya ako sa CSS night. :)

wala na akong dapat sabihin pa. yun na yun! HAHAHA


13. How deep is your love - Bee Gees/Kyla
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9I48B2perg - Kyla
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMriOspUvA - Bee Gees

I once asked him, "Paano kung mainlove ako sayo."
Naging speechless lang siya that time. HAHAHA. At nagpost naman siya sa FB
"HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE" At abah! Ako pala ang dahilan ng status na yun. HARHAR. Ayun. Simula nun, nagustuhan ko na ang song na ito. At kapag pinapakinggan ko toh iniisip ko, "How deep is my love kaya?" Maybe, sobrang deep na. ang hirap nang umakyat eh.

14. Bestfriend - Auburn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yGhHTfMlH8
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=403155659705662 - ito yung nangyayari kapag natawag siya

BESTFRIEND. Itong song na ito. lahat na sinabi nito! Lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa kanya! HAHAHA. At mismong yang video na yan ang nalabas sa phone kapag natawag sya sa akin. :)

15. 12:51 - krissy and Ericka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVQeAbNX1OU

This song. He introduced this to me. At ito din yung song na sinabi niya sakin nung first argument namin. At nung pinakinggan ko, nasiyahan naman ako sa melody. Pero nakarelate ako sa isang line,

"Maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life. and maybe I haven't moved on since that night."

16. Runway - Krissy and Ericka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okfS5nmJxnA

Ito naman. Sa tuwing feeling ko naiinlove na naman ako sa kanya, kinakanta ko toh.

"And I! I'm falling in love with you, No! Never have I. I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you."

Pati siya din ang nagintroduce sakin ng rendition nito ng Krissy and Ericka. At dahil sa kanya, naging favorite ko ang Krissy and Ericka <3

17. Maalala Mo Sana - Silent Sanctuary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4v_PLp6nPk

"Bawat sandali na ikaw ay kasama para bang hindi na tayo muling magkikita."

OO! yun lagi ang iniisip ko at lagi naman niyang sinasabi, "Ano ka ba! Magkikita pa tayo."

Such a relief. HAHAHA. Yun lang ang naalala ko sa kantang toh.

18. First Believe - HOKU/Zelle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogpbAQ6Bj-c - Cover ko toh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1V36Rk31Tk - Original

Ito ang last ko kasi ito talaga yung kanta pinaka naaalala ko siya. Dito kasi nagsimula lahat. Dito ko siya aksidenteng naitag. Dahil dito nagkausap kami sa FB. Dahil dito naging close kami. dahil dito naging ganito kami. :) Maraming memories ang pinapaalala sakin ng kantang toh. At lahat ng masasayang memories lang ang naaalala ko kapag naririnig ko tong kanta ko. Siya lang kasi yung una eh. First guy who asked me out. First guy who treat me this way. First guy na nakatext ko ng napakatagal na panahon. First guy na nakaclose ko ng ganito. First guy na lagi kong nakakausap sa phone. First guy....first guy...

Hay. Andaming kanta nuh? Mahilig kasi kami pareho sa music. And yun siguro yung naging common namin. Mahilig kami pareho sa soft music, solemn, acoustic, yung mga music na magaganda yung lyrics hindi yung basta may masabi nalang. At dahil sa kanya, I appreciated music more.

Ang haba na pala masiyado. sige! It's 1:11 AM na eh. At hindi padin ako inaantok. HAHA. Nagkape kasi ako. Adeek lang. So. That's all! Another revelation na naman sa aking lovelife na sinasarili ko lang. HAHAHA. Dahil ako lang ata ang nagmamahal. LOL. #EMO

thanks for patiently reading! God bless you! <3

Happy Mother's day!

 Let me introduce the one who waited 9 months just to see me. The one who have sacrificed many things for me. My mother, MARIETA RANA! :)

Hindi man siya perpektong ina, proud na proud padin ako na siya ang mama ko. Nanggaling siya sa isang mahirap na pamilya. Bilang kapatid, marami na siyang nasakripisyo. Ganun din bilang ina. Siguro nga lahat ay naibigay na niya. Nabuhay din kaming isang mahirap na pamilya. Minsan nawawalan ng pagkain sa hapag. Minsan na ding walang laman ang wallet ng mama ko. Minsan na din akong pumasok na hindi sapat ang baon ko. Minsan na din akong tumigil ng pagaaral dahil walang nang pampaaral ang mga magulang ko. Hindi kami lumaki na nakukuha lahat ng aming kagustuhan. At isa yun sa ipinagpapasalamat ko sa mama ko, 

Dahil hindi niya kami pinalaking sunod sa luho. 

Maraming bagay ang hindi ko kayang sabihin sa mama ko tulad ng personal kong problema, katulad ng sa pag-ibig, sa mga kaibigan, sa sarili. Madalas lang akong tahimik sa bahay namin at nagiisa sa kwarto. Hindi ako ganoong masunurin sa mama ko, aminado ako. Minsan, hindi din ako masaya sa bahay kaya mas ginugusto ko pang umalis, pero hindi maglayas. 

Ang mama ko naman, minsan ay mahigpit. May mga pagkakataon na hindi ko na talaga siya maintindihan. Pero iniintindi ko siya sa abot ng aking makakaya. O baka naman ako lang ang hindi maintindihan ng mama ko. Maraming pagkakataon na ang nagdaan na nagtalo kami, nagkasagutan, nagiyakan. Pero ang laging tapos nito ay tawanan. Minsan ko nadin nasabi sa mama ko na, "Si ate lang ang favorite mo!" At dahil tumatanda din naman ako, nasabi ko nadin sa mama ko, "Gusto ko nang maging independent, nasasakal na ako." Ang sama ko di ba? Siguro lahat ng kabataan ay napagdaan ang napagdaan ko. Ang hirap di ba? Pero, ang dami kong natutunan. Dahil sa mama ko, natuto akong maging patient. dahil kadalasan pag sinabi kong , "Ma, bili mo naman ako ng sapatos." Lagi niyang sasabihin, Pag nagkapera tayo." At dahil alam kong noon ay matagal-tagal pa bago kami magkapera, pinanghahawakan ko ang pangako nyia hanggang matupad niya yun. At natutupad naman yun! Natuto din akong maging matiyaga. Tinuro din kasi sa akin ng mama ko hindi lahat ng bagay na gusto ko ay makukuha ko nalang ng basta-basta, kailangan mong paghirapan toh! Siya din ang nagturo sakin na maggitara! :) Siya rin ang nagturo sa akin maging masiyahin sa kabila ng mga problema, at higit sa lahat, siya ang nagturo sa akin kung sino si HESUS. Siya ang matiyagang sineshare sa akin ang mga bible stories tuwing gabi. Ang walang sawang nagpapangaral sa akin na kasama ang salita ng Panginoon. Ang mama ko na nagdala sa akin sa LORD. <3 She has won a soul and that's me! 

Mama, 

Salamat. Salamat sa lahat ng pagmamahal mo sa akin. Sa lahat ng pagaaruga. Sa lahat ng ginawa mo para sa akin. Hindi ko man pinapakita sayo kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat, sobrang salamat lang talaga! :)

Sorry. Sorry po kasi pasaway ako. Hindi ako masipag masiyado. Pero mama, sorry talaga. pakiramdam ko ako na ang pinakamasamang anak, feeling ko lang. Lagi nalang ako ang dahilan ng pagkagalit mo. Lagi ko nalang pinapasama ang loob mo. SORRY po talaga. Ginagawa ko naman po ang lahat para magbago. SORRY.

I LOVE YOU. Kasi ikaw ang mama ko. Ikaw ay ikaw. Ikaw ang nagluwal sa akin. Ikaw ang nagaalaga sa akin. At siguro, kung ibang ina ang maging nanay ko, napalayas na ako. I LOVE YOU TALAGA! Alam kong hindi ko naman sa'yo directly laging sinasabi toh sa'yo, pero gusto ko lang ipakita sa'yo sa MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. bigyan mo lang ako ng pagkakataon. Hindi sapat ang blogpost na ito para maipakita sa'yo na mahal na mahal kita. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ko kagustong yakapin ka kapag nalulungkot ka. Kung gaano ko kagustong umiyak sa hapap mo sa mga oras na nasasaktan ako. Kung gaano ko kagustong ikwento sa'yo at ishare sa'yo ang kaligayahan na nararamdaman ko. Kung gaano ko kagusto maramdaman ang  YAKAP MO.

Mababasa mo kaya toh mama? Hindi ko kasi alam iexpress ang love ko para sayo. MAMA! sumisigaw na ang puso ko, gusto ko marinig mo lang. :)

THANKYOU MAMA! :) SOBRANG MAHAL LANG KITA.

"If God asked me what is the most important thing to me, that would be you."

Thankful ako sa LORD kasi ikaw ang mama ko. WAGAS LANG EE. :)

muamua! <3

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Night of April TwentyNine

LaLaguna! The Festival of Life! To give you some info about this festival, it is the festival here in my province. Before, it is called, "Anilag" or Ani ng Laguna. Since we had a new Governor, he changed the Festival name. And I think, it gets better. Then Festival itself.

OKAY! 1 minute lang ako pwedeng mag english! LOL

Bakit ko nga ba naipost ang about sa LaLaguna? Siguro may nangyari sa araw na ito ano? HAHA Oo meron.

Kung mababasa mo ang post ko last April 20, 2012, mejo malungkot. kasi hindi natuloy yung planadong gagawin ko dapat that day.

April 28, 2012. Yat'z and I we're talking about meeting each other ulit. Since halos 1 month na kami hindi nagkikita. So ayun nga. 2 weeks din pati siya hindi magloload. Kaya ayun. hehe. Talagang mamimiss ko siya? HAHA. Sakto naman, Lasta day na ng LaLaguna Festival ng April 29 so nagplano kaming magkita on that night. Kahit Hi-Hello lang. Ganun.

April 29, SUNDAY! Nasa church ako, bago magstart ang service namin, tumawag ako sa kanya! Buti nakapag unli call ako. So I asked him, "Ano? Pupunta ka? Kasi ako sure na ako." sabi niya, "Hindi ako sure." UTANG NA LOOB! HAHAHA pero alam kong niloloko niya lang ako.

Hapon na. 5PM, umalis na agad kami ni Kim at ate reg. So, ayun, nagpunta na kami sa LaLaguna Festival. Nagbuy ng Buko shake, nag pasyal-pasyal. Nagpagawa ng Personalized bracelet. At kung ano-ano pa. Hanggang nagpunta na kami sa Mcdo para i meet si Kuya Brian at Kuya John. Kwentuhan, chikahan, chokaran. Tapos tumawag na si Yatz,

"Hello."  Sabi niya
"San ka na?", "Sabi ko

and it's around 7 pm na
"Dito padin samin. Wala akong masakyan. Punoan."
ASDFGHJKL. bakit? magkikita kaya kami?
"Aww. Sige. Ingat ka huh? Hindi pa ako napunta dun sa LaLaguna. Nagkekwentuhan pa kami dito."
"Punta ka na."
"Di pa. Iintayin kita."
"Wag mo na ako intayin. Baka mamaya pa ako makarating."
"Okay lang. Baka sakto, salubungan nalang tayo sa may gate mamaya."
"Sigesige. Magiintay pa kami ng jeep."
"Sige. Ingat. Bye"

Tapos ayun kwentuhan mode na naman with my friends.  Tapos tinawagan ko siya
"Uy. San ka na? Dito pa ako sa Mcdo"
"Wala kaming masakya. Punta ka na dun. Nadami na tao dun. Naglalakad nalang kami"
"Naglalakad? Papunta dito?"
"Hindi, papuntang areza lang."
"Ah. okay. Sige. tawag ka nalang mamaya pag nasa may capitol ka na."
"Sige."
"Ingat haneh?"
"Opo."

Tapos. Ayun. We're done. Nagpunta nadin kami ng LaLaguna. Pumasok kami dun sa gate malapit sa may Capitol. I texted him, "Dito kami sa may tapat ng capitol hah?"

Tumawag pa, "Dito ako sa may ministop. San ka?"
"dito nga  sa may capitol."
"San jan?"
"Sa may fountain."
"Sige. Punta na ako jan."

Actually, I was expecting na mag hi-hello lang talaga kami sa isa't isa. then lumapit na sya samin, nakita ko wala siyang kasama. ASDFGHJKL. So that means, sasamhan niya ako talaga. O_O
So, there we go! Nag lakad-lakad na kami. Actually. Wala na akong naisip na matino nun. ang saya ko lang kasi kasama ko siya ngayon. It is like a dream. LOL. Tapos naka sumbrelo siya nun. mga 1hr ago pa nung mapansin kong YATZ yung nakasulat sa cap niya. HAHA. Nakakatuwa pa, nameet niya yung mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko. Mga churchmates ko. Buti nga hindi siya nahihiya eh. Nakikitawa siya sa kanila. Ang saya lang. I can't really express my feelings. Tapos ang dami namin napag kwentuhan. Hindi ko na nga matandaan yung mga pinagsasasabi ko sa knya. Siiguro, this is one of the best night I ever had. Hindi ko akalaing sasamahan niiya ako. Antagal lang namin magkasama. Hindi ko namalayan 11:00 napala. :( para lang akong si Cinderella na naghahabol sa oras dahil pag 12 na, kelangan ko na umalis. WAAAAAA! ayoko pa! So ayun. Akala ko iiwanan na niya ako nung sabihin kong uuwi na kami pero hindi, sinamahan niya ako palabas. tapos hanggang sa labas, nagkekwentuhan kami. Nagkukulitan. at nageechusan. HAHA. Grabe lang hindi ganito yung ineexpect kong pagkikita. Habang naglalakad kami...

"Hindi mo na mapapanood yung fireworks."
"Oo nga eh. pero okay lang, nakasama naman kita."
tapos tumawa nalang siya. Dumaan kami dun sa madalas naming daanan kapag napasyal kami sa capiitol
"Dito yun oh?" sabi ko..
"Oo nga. Dito din yun.."
tapos isa pa..
"Yatz. Dun yon oh?"
"Oo nga. sasabihin ko na sana sayo, naunahan mo ko."
"Ang sarap lang alalahanin nuh?"

Tapos ayun, pauwi na kami.. :( Hinatid niya pa ako hanggang paglabas ng capitol. Hanggang sa may waiting Shed, sabi ko,
"Dito nalang. Jan na kami sasakay sa may Landbank. Thank you huh? Bye!"
Tapos umapir siya sa akin. Kinapitan yung kamay ko bahagya.
sabi niya, "Bye. Thank you din. Ingat ka haneh?"
"OPO."

AT AKO! hindi makaget over sa mga nangyari. Parang nasa cloud9 padin ako. Hindi ko madefine ang nararamdaman ko. MASAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tapos, habang naglalakad kami pauwi ng bahay, tumawag siya
"Nakauwi ka na?"
"Di pa.. naglalakad pa lang ako papuntang bayan."
"Ah. Sige. Buti naman. txt mo ako pag nasa bahay ka na."
"Sigesige. Ingat ka jan. May kasama ka na?"
"Oo. yung mga pinsan ko. Sayang umuwi ka kaagad."
"Oo nga eh. huhuhu."
"Sigesige. Ang ingay na dito. txt mo nalang ako. God Bless!"
"Sige. God Bless!"

Saktong 12:51, nakarating at nabuksan ang bahay. Tinawagan ko  siya,
"andito na ako sa amin."
"Ah. Sigesige. Ang ingay dito hindi kita marinig masiyado. sensya na."
"Sige. Okay lang. Sinasabi ko lang na nakauwi na ako. "
"Sige. buti naman. Tulog ka na."
"Opo. sige. Ingat ka jan. Text ka din pag nakauwi ka na. God Bless!"
"God Bless!"

at yun ang nangyari that night.
DEFINE MASAYA?
please. HAHA
God Bless!

Walang masabe!

Wala akong maisip na i-post. grabe lang.

Hindi mo man SOLO ang INBOX ko, pero nakakasigurado akong ikaw lang ang laman ng SENT ITEMS ko.........

 Bakit di pa aminin ang hindi mo maamin. Ipauubaya nalang ba ito sa hangin. Wag mong ikatakot ang bulong ng damdamin mo. Naririto ako nakikinig sayo.  wohuuu wohuuu wohuhu huhu. :D woohuhu woohuhu wohuhu huhuhu.

tenetengteng tenengteng tenengteng. tenetengteng tenengteng tenengteng.


 Ang drama ng lola mo ngayon! Nakikita mo ba? May printscreen ako ng cellphone screen ko. And related siya sa title ng post ko today. Today is April 21, 2012. Buong araw na naman kami mag katext. And an hour ago, nag online siya sa FB at nag status, "Hindi mo man SOLO ang INBOX ko, pero nakakasigurado akong ikaw lang ang laman ng SENT ITEMS ko........."


Ako kaya yun? I wonder. I hope so.

Noon naaalala ko pa, sinabi niya sa akin, "Ikaw lang yung babaeng nakakatext ko lagi." At noon din sinabi din niya, "Wala akong ibang katext, ikaw lang." Well, that's maybe 2 months ago. We don't know what happened. Pero sa side ko, paraho siyang laman ng inbox ko at ng sent items ko, isama mo na din minsan ang utak ko. HAHA. Ayun. Siya lang naman kasi yung nakakatext ko madalas. Pati I don't know why, his texts seemed to be so much precious that I can't even think of deleting it. Parang ano lang kase yan, "Scrolling through my cellphone for the 20th time today. Reading the texts you sent me again though I memorized it anyway." GANUN! Paulit-ulit! UNLI EH! 

Bakit may kantang tadhana sa una? Wala lang. Maganda ang kanta eh! HAHA

God Bless you~

"I still hold on to that so called promise"

EXPECTATION

REALITY

WATIZZDAMININGOFDIZZ?  Today is April 20, 2012. Three months ago, a girl marked April 20 2012 on her  calendar with a heart sign. Why? Of course she was expecting something to happen this day! January 20, 2012 was a date. A date or 'like a date' with a guy she really like. It was their second 'like a date' date. Hours ago that day, someone texted her about a Fireworks Display to be held at their province. She was so excited to see it because she really love to see fireworks since it was so rare for her to see one. But she thought of maybe, she might experience it with the guy she really like. She awkwardly asked the guy then, "Will you accompany me to the Fireworks Display Event on April 20?" the guy replied, "SURE." The girl's face was filled with joy. She was like flying when she heard his response. Then, she went home as she wears her sweet smile. Truly, money can't buy her happiness. She marked April 20, 2012on her calendar with a heart sign. She was excited.

Many things happened. Some things changed. Some things improved (like her feelings for that guy), but still, their friendship is getting stronger. It was almost April! She never forget that special day. She always daydream about what could happen on that day. She was expecting that it will be the most unforgettable moment of her life. It will be like a fairytale. It will be like a love story that has no ending. It will be. It will be, maybe, she hoped so. 

Time flies. It wasn't that easy for her to calm down while waiting for that day. But she has lose her hope because there was something bad that happened. She and the guy was talking on the phone. They had some little argument or some misunderstanding. She was in tears but the guy didn't knew. She asked the guy, "Will you still come with me to that Fireworks Display Event?" the guy replied, "I don't know." She was crying soundless and she said, "Then I'll go by my own." the guy replied, "Don't go alone. Please. It's dangerous. If you want to come, you should ask for someone to come with you." She was hurt, maybe, because she is still crying soundless. She said, "Because I thought you'd come with me. But it's okay. Are you coming alone too? Or you'll be with someone?" he said, "I'll be with someone." She cried again, but this time, she's crying like a baby. The guy asked, "Are you crying? Why are you crying?" she just laughed in disguise and said, "No I'm not. I got cold. Oh wait. I'll call someone." toot toot. She ended the call. But the pain doesn't end. She ask herself, "Why does it have to hurt this way?" Because she marked the date on her calendar! With a heart sign! Duh!

A week after. She was freshen up by a week-long activity she attended. She's blessed. She's changed. She realized many things. She accepted the things that are impossible to happen. Things like "HE loves HER" thingy. And she received a message from the guy. Actually, the guy never stopped sending some messages to her. Since the week-long activity is almost done, she replied. "How are you?" Since then, they didn't noticed that everything are back into place. April 20 is a week away. But she's not hoping her expectations to happen. She thought of going alone. Will she? NO! Because she was so loyal. Since that guy said that she can't go alone, she will not go. 

The marked date with a heart sign on her calendar came, April 20, Friday. She texted the guy, "You take care on going to that Fireworks Display Event later! God bless you!" the guy replied, "I think I'm not going?" You know what the girl felt? SHE'S HAPPY! AND SHE DON'T KNOW WHY. She asked, "Why? I thought you'll be coming with someone?" The guy replied, "I'm not sure, I feel so tired." She was then relaxed. She looked at the heart sign mark on her calendar and said, "Will you still happen?" 

It's almost night. Since the guy decided not to come, she didn't come too. She received a message on her phone, "Hey. I'll go to the Fireworks Display Event. I'm sorry I didn't come with you." She replied, "It's okay. You take care. God Bless! Tell me how it feels later." Then a tear drops. Although she didn't know who's with him. If it is some of his friends or a girl, she just assumed. Maybe someone held his hands while watching it. Maybe They were so happy watching it together. All her expectations happened, maybe, to him, but with other girl. Well, she just assumed that. She didn't really know who's with him. And now, she's sitting  alone, typing this EPIC story while watching "Walang Hanggan" and searching some fireworks video on Youtube just to let herself be happy, just for once. 

Maybe you wouldn't understand how she feels right now, but let me tell you, she was not really hurt. She just expected some things that can never happen. And honestly, she knew this would happen. One thing for sure, she was not crying while typing this. She's smiling right now. :)

And she would like to thank you for reading this. And hey! There are still FIREWORKS on NEW YEAR'S EVE. :))) She just have to patiently wait. 

God bless!

We're back. :)

Hello! :) HAHA. Ang saya ko lang ngayon. Hindi ko ma-express masiyado. LOL.

Okay. ganito yan. Nagtext sya! "Kala ko ba Zelle magloload ka?" HALAAAA. Oo nga. Kaso wala akong pero. #iyakNalangAko? HAHA. Ayun. Kinailangan ko pa mag dilihensiya para lang magkapera. LOL. Hanggang nagload nadin ako. Ang saya lang. Kasi Nagkatext ulit kami ng sobrang tagal. Katulad ng dati. yung hindi nawawalang ng topic. Basta. Ang saya. Bumalik kami sa dati ng hindi namin namamalayan. Sana napansin niya din yun.

So. As you can see, office guy yung nasa tabi. Let's assume na siya yan. hehe. Kasi, he'll be applying sa work tom. At guess kung saan? sa pang-asar na mall, SM CALAMBA! Dun n=lang naman kasi ang mall na kapag pumupunta ako, How deep is your love ang tugtog. Siya kasi bali ang naaalala ko sa kantang yun. Eh nagkataon naman na EMO-emohan ako kapag nagpupunta ako sa SM. LOL.  Ayun. so dun na nga siya mag aapply. Let's claim na matatanggap siya HEHE. Ang saya lang. Simula sa pag-gagawa niya ng thesis, defense, OJT, gradiation requirements, graduation practice, graduation, at ito, pag-aapply niya ng work nasubaybayan ko na pala! ME ALREADY! HAHA. So ayun nga, I pray na matanggap agad siya dahil may usapan lang naman kami noon na sa unang sweldo niya, "ililibre niya ako" hahahahaha.

#goodVibes ngayon nuh? Sana lagi ganito. Ang saya lang. Na-feel ko ulit yung JOY na makausap siya. tenkyu! <3

Ito pa ang conve na pamatay

Him: Attractive ba sa babae ang lalaking matangkad?
Me: Yup. para sa akin, turn on yun.
Him: Talaga. may nag-GM lang sakin, yung ang tanong.
Me:  Syempre, para sa maliliit na babaeng katulad ko, hilig namin ang matatangkad. shus!
Him: ehem ehem..haha
Me: May ubo ka ba? HAHA
Him: oo. May gamot ke be jen? penge naman
Me: Oo. meron. ito! ----> <3
Him: akana?. hhehe
Me: Oo. ayan. <3 hehe
Him: Puso mo ang gamot?
Me: hahaha. korting puso ang yung gamot. ekew telege! HAHA

goodnight na nga. me jogging pa tom. di naman ako pumapayat. LOL
God Bless! Isama niyo naman po sa prayer ang YATZ ko. SALAMAT!
muamua! <3 <3 <3

I'm not that strong to let go.

"And it's almost a week
when that hurtful heartache happened
I had no choice, I have to let go
But I am not that strong
You're still in my heart
You're still on my thoughts
But all I can promise is
I am now on the process of moving on"

May mga bagay talaga na kailangan natin tanggapin. Kung naaalala mo, noon sabi ko, "I'm afraid to lose him." Now, I almost lost him. I just can't remember how'd it happened. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan ko maging ganito. Basta ang alam ko, nalulungkot ako sa kinahantungan namin. Pero masaya ako kasi magkaibigan kami.

Last Tuesday night sa Camp, nagmessage yung Uncle kong Pastor. Grabe lang. tamang tama ako sa message. sabi dun, "Natanung mo na ba sa sarili mo na, BAKIT KUNG SINO PA ANG MAHAL MO YUNG PA YUNG NANANAKIT SAYO?" ouch! aray! ang sakit talaga. tapos dinugtong pa si Pastor, "Pero si Lord lang ang tanging magmamahal sayo na hindi ka sasaktan!" TAMA! Then he continued sa message niya. May nasabi dun ni Pastor na, "Di ba pag mahal mo sinusunod mo kung anong gusto niya?" Ako naman, "Opo! tama po yan. Amen!" kasi naalala ko, sabihin lang niyang uminom ako ng gamot, iinom na ako. Sabihin lang niyang matulog na ako, matutulog na ako. Sinabi lang niyang wag akong kakain ng bawa, hindi na ako kakain ng bawal. Sabihin lang siyang maging magkaibigan nalang kami, tinanggap ko ng buong puso kahit gaano kasakit. Ayun. Tapos dinugtong pa ni Pastor, "Eh diba mahal mo si Lord, bakit di mo sundin kung anong gusto Niya para sa'Yo?" ARAY LALO! Siguro alam ng uncle ko yung nararanasan ko ngayon. Super relate eh! Pero alam kong NO na talaga ang sagot ng LORD sa prayer ko. Nakikipagtalo lang ako. Pinagpipilitan ko sa Lord sa YES. Pero hindi talaga. The Lord's way is always right. I know. Ayan. Ni confirm sakin ng LORD na NO talaga ang sagot Niya. Masakit man na tanggapin, alam kong mas maganda ang way ng LORD. Mas better. at The BEST!

Nasa proseso ako ng pag move on. Kinakaya ko na hindi siya itext madalas. Minsan ko nalang siya isipin. At unti-unti, natatanggap ko na ang mga pangyayari. Mahirap man, pero alam kong kakayanin toh. Ako pa!

Pero I can't say goodbye. We're still good friends. Takot padin ako humantong kami dun sa point na "strangers" nalang kami. Hindi pwede yun. hehe

Oh. This heartache. Ang dami ko padin natututunan hanggang ngayon. Ang dami kong narerealize. Ang galing talaga ni Lord <3 The best talaga Sya!

Anyways. Salamat po sa pagsubaybay ng storya ko kasama si Jerick Ordoveza Cabantog. Sana na-enjoy niyo. :) Pero, hindi natin alam. Baka hindi pa dito nagtatapos ang lahat! :)

HAHA. God Bless!

It "is less painful, but it still hurts"

He came into my life

He taught me how to love

He cared for me

He told me he love me

But then he saw her

He liked her

He left me for no reason

He hurt me but I know I can move on

because...

It is less painful, but it still hurts

and I know that I really don't deserve this

I know that this is what God just planned

I know I can move on

It is less painful but I'm hurting

It is less painful but that pain remains

I know sooner God will make a way

To heal my broken heart, ohhhhh

He's the only guy who made me feel this way

He took me deeper that I can't get up again

I can't believe I fell for that

I can't believe I'm in love this much

But then he saw her

He liked her

He left me for no reason

He hurt me but I know I can move on

because...

It is less painful, but it still hurts

and I know that I really don't deserve this

I know that this is what God just planned

I know I can move on

It is less painful but I'm hurting

It is less painful but that pain remains

I know sooner God will make a way

To heal my broken heart, ohhhhh

From now on, I'll be the best girl I can be

I learned my lesson

I realized many things

But it'll be a long process

before I forget him

I just want to say

Thank you for making me feel this way...

It is less painful, but it still hurts

and I know that I really don't deserve this

I know that this is what God just planned

I know I can move on

It is less painful but I'm hurting

It is less painful but that pain remains

I know sooner God will make a way

To heal my broken heart, ohhhhh

While I'm going back home from Caliraya, I looked at the beautiful creation of God. It is relaxing. But then, some words just popped in my head. I never knew I already composed a song. I know it is from my heartache. Maybe, by this song, I spilled out all that I want to say. The words "It is less painful but it still hurts" has a story behind it. One day at camp, Me and ate Julia(A Canadian Missionary) walked beside me and held my hand. She helped me while walking since I'm having a hard time walking because I got my leg sprained. Then she asked me, "How was your foot?" then I say, "It is less painful, but it still hurts." Then I set my eye to the sky, shed a tear, and realized that "I'm still hurt from the heartache he caused me but it is less painful now." I'm happy to feel that. I'm happy to know that I can move on. I feel much better than before. Although I still remember how happy I was when he's around, It still hurt to know that, he's not with me anymore. It's true. I'm so happy whenever he's with me. I never felt this way before. I mean that way to be happy with a guy. But it all ends now. He has found someone that would fit better to his likes. Maybe I fit in, but there's someone better. I knew God's answer was NO. I just don't want to accept God's answer that's why this heart ache happens. This is God's plan, I know. This heartache is His way to tell me, "My child, you loved the wrong guy."

Thank You Lord for this heartache. I got You point God. I learned the lesson You want to tell me. Thank You so much. 

To the "HE" guy in my song...

Thank you. You were an amazing person. I'm not mad at you just because you hurt me this way. I learned many things from you. May you have the best things in life. I know God have better plans for the both of us. THANK YOU!

God Bless!

I'd go back to December All the time. :(

"So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I'd go back to DECEMBER all the time."

Mag-hapon magdamag, paulit-ulit sa utak ko yan. Naiinis lang ako. Kasi naaalala ko yung mga araw na sinulat ko yung sulat ko sa kanya na ipinasa ko naman sa GEARS at nai-publish naman sa buong campus at nabasa naman niya. ANUBAH!


Minsan tinatanong ko na ang sarili ko, "Anu ba itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya?" Kasi malinaw naman sa akin na mag-kaibigan kami ah? Wala dapat akong dahilan para maguluhan. tsktsk.

Ngayong gabi nga pala, sinundo ulit namin si papa sa airport. :) Umuwi ulit si papa after 3 months. Ang bilis di ba? Tapos ayun. Nag-unli call kasi tapos nagtawagan kami ni Jerick. KASE! kausap ko lang naman siya simula Alabang hanggang Lumban. Ewan ko ba kung ano-ano ang mga pinag-uusapan namin. So far so good. Kasi open na ako kay mama about sa kanya. So here it goes. Habang nag-uusap kaming dalawa sabi niya,Naikwento niya yung about sa pagpunta niya sa ibang bansa. Mejo naiiyak nga ako (iyakin ko talaga) kasi parang ang bilis kung pupunta agad siya dun. Tapos sabi ko, "Walang unli call dun." sabi niya, "Okay lang yun kahit mga isang taon hindi mo ako makausap. Di ba?" Tapos nag segway nalang ako sabi ko, "Bili ka nalang ng laptop pag unang sweldo mo." tapos bigla siyang tumawa. Alam kong na-gets niya ang ibig kong sabihin. Then bigla siyang nagtanong,  "Panu pag?" tapos hindi niya maituloy. Hanggang nasabi nadin niya siguro after 30 minutes. sabi niya, "Pano pag nagkaGF na ako?"..natigilan ako dun. kung wala lang siguro ako sa sasakyan nun at kung hindi ko lang kasama sina mama nun, sasabihin ko sa kanya, "May nililigawan ka na nuh?" Pero hindi ko  maitanong. So hinintay ko na makauwi ako sa lumban para maitanong ko sa kanya yun. AYAN na. Nasa bahay na ako. Sabay tanong ko sa kanya, "May nililigawan ka na nuh?" Sabi niya, "Wala huh.", "Bakit mo tinanong sa akin yun? BAkit sakin?" , "WAla lang. Natanong ko lang." sabi ko nalang, "Sige. Wala naman kasi yun sakin eh kung may maging GF ka. Ayos nga un. Pero hindi ko din alam pupunta nalang ako ng Korea." , "Hahanapin mo si Lee Min ho?", "Oo papakasal na ako sa kanya." , "HAHA.", "Pero meron nga? Kasi kung meron bakit ako ang tinatawagan mo? Ako ang lagi mong tinetext? Ako ang Niyayaya mo sa ministop? Ako ang nililibre mo? Bakit ganito ka sakin?" tapos siya...*speechless* IMBA!!!!
*Kasi naman. Kung alam mo lang kung sino ang tinutukoy kong Lee Min Ho.* Tapos hanggang magka gudnightine na din kami. "BYE!"

then, I get online...nabasa ko sa wall, puro siya nalang lumabas, "Sayang..." tapos may isa pa, "Sayang meron ka na" ANO YON!!!!? So I can feel that girl's instinct. Na meron nga siyang nililigawan. Pero bakit ganito siya sa akin? It's so confusing. IYAK NALANG AKO. Ang sakit pala. Ito na nga. Instinct palang toh pero nasasaktan na ako. O_O Ang hirap mag-panggap ano? Natanong pa kasi siya sa akin, "Paano pag ikakasal na ako?" sabi ko, "Syempre iinvite mo ako. Kakanta pa ako sa kasal mo kakantahin ko yung forevermore. Tapos aalis agad ako, pupunta ako ng KOREA."

Isa kasi sa pinakamahirap na maramdaman eh yung malaman mong effort na effort ka na mahalin yung taong yun tapos siya pala effort na effort din magmahal ng iba TSKTSK. anubeh. EMO AKO NGAYON. andami ko padin tanong. Bakit ba kasi kailangan namin maging ganito? Naguguluhan na ako. :(

END. O_O

GRADUATION NIYAAA!:)

 Hi! Yesss! Graduate na si Jerick Ordoveza Cabantog! As you can see, kasama niya si Mommy Anicia sa Picture. Oh di ba? HAHA. Nakakatuwa kasi nagiging part ako ng mga ganitong part ng buhay niya. Isn't it amazing? Pati sineshare talaga niya sa akin kung ano ang nararamdam niya bago siya maka graduate and what he felt after he graduated. :) Super natutuwa talaga ako.  Wala talaga akong masabi this time kasi speechless padin ako sa mga nangyari. Parang ako kasi ang magulang niya na proud na proud sa kanya. HAHA. tapos kanina. Magkasama kami sa loob ng Activity Center ng LSPU, magkatabi lang kami sa gitna ng napakadaming tao, nag-uusap na parang kami lang dalawa ang magkasama. SA WAKAS! walang nang-asar ng KEVIN BALOTA ang pangalan. HAHA, Masaya! Sobrang masaya ako para sa kanya. Alam ko masaya din si Mommy Anicia for him.

 AYAN! Kapit namin pareho yung diploma. Actually, picture namin yan na magkasama. Ni-crop ko lang. HEHE. Before taking thatpicure sabi ko, "Akina yang diploma, ako hahawak. HEHE" tapos kinapitan din niya! LOL Lagi niya sa akin sinasabi, "next year, ikaw naman." Ang saya lang. Yan yung habang magkausap kami sa gitna ng maraming tao. Nagpapicuture lang kami sa kaibigan ko. Nakakatawa nga kasi habang mag-usap kami, sabi ko "Congrats pre. totoo na yan!" sabi niya, "Oo nga pre." Tapos apir, kumapit siya sa balikat ko, "Zelle, aalis na din kami. Ikaw ba?" sabi ko, "May pipicturan pa ako(habang haggard na haggard ako)" sabi niya, "Ah sige. ..after few minutes nasa likod ko pa pala siya..sabi ko. "Oh akala ko aalis ka na?" sabi niya, "Andaming tao, hindi ako makalabas." tapos....after ng usapan na yun, (actually meron pa, mahaba pa HAHA) Ito na! napicture na kami!

 SPELL HAGGARD KASE! HAHA. Pasensya na! ang linis niyang tingnan. nakakahiya! HAHA. Masaya ako na minsan sa buhay ko, naging kasama ako ng isang tao sa mga tagumpay niya sa buhay. Nakakatuwa at talaga kay JERICK pa! Galing talaga ni LORD sumagot sa prayer! Kung alam niyo lang kaseee! HAHA. Thankful talaga ako kay Lord kasi dininig Niya ang mga prayers ko. :) LAHAT NATUTUPAD! <3

"WAG MONG KUNIN YAN! AKIN YAN!" Yan ang description ko sa picture na ito! HAHA. Kasi naman. makahawak si kuya! Hindi ko kukunin yan! HAHA. (yung puso mo lang. LOL) Kung mapapansin niyo, Mejo may pagka "old age" ang photo na ito. Naisip ko lang kasi, "Sana magtagal kami...na ganito." Tapos nagtext siya, actually kagabi pa sabi niya, "Matatapos na ang unang yugto ng buhay ko, abangan ang ikalawang yugto." tapos kanina lang habang nasa jeep ako nagtext ako sa kanya, "Sa ikalawang yugto ng buhay mo, sana isama mo padin ako.:)" reply naman siya. "OO NAMAN!"
tapos bigla nalang siyang nag-EMO sabi niya, "Graduate na ako pero parang hindi ako masaya. Para bang may kailangan akong gawin na hindi ko pa nagawa." then kani-kanina lang nagtext ulit siya sabi niya, " Bakit ganito? In love na ba ulit ako?"

ASDFGHJKL. END OF STORY.

God Bless! Congratulations to all 2012 GRADUATES! God bless us al! <3

You were just a dream that I once knew....

 I never thought I would be right for you!
YESSSS! We meet again. Onsoyo onsoyo. :D Masaya talaga ako kasi nagkita ulit kami. Naka tsinelas lang ako, pants, tshirt, tapos ang backpack ni Dora dala ko. Para lang akong inutusan na bumili ng suka sa sta. Cruz. HAHA. Natawa nalang ako nung makita ko siya, naka tsinelas lang din, FIONA PA! sabe? Tapos sa ate pa niya daw yun. HAHA. As you can see, may Magnun sa tabi. Yan ang kinain namin. :) We tried it lang para matikman namin ang trending sa facebook. LOL

Masarap yung Magnum in all fairness. Pero after namin kainin, isa lang ang nasabi namin, "Nakakaumay." PROMISE! Pero masarap.

Ang bilis nga ng oras, ang tagal na pala namin nagkekwentuhan. Nakita nalang namin sa labas, madilim na pala! HAHA. lagot na! Bawa ako mag pagabi. :( So ayun. Nung mapansin namin na gumagabi na, nagpicturan nalang kaming dalawa. Actually, madami pang picture yan. Ito nalang ang nilagay. ko. HAHA

Picture #1. Ako ang Photographer.

Him : San nga ba nagpapaprint ang Publication?
Me : Hindi ko tanda yung pangalan eh, basta alam ko may Laguna yun.
Him: Dun ako kinukuhang Lay-out Artist.
Me: WOW! edi connected padin tayo. HAHA
Him : Oo nga. halimbawa, magpapaprint kayo, ikaw nalang ang pumunta para makita kita.
Me: Nyeee. photojourn ako, hindi taga pagpaprint. HAHA
Him : Pwede na yun. tapos baka ako din ang maglay out ng yearbook kung sakale.
Me: Tologo? Sayang naman.
him : Bakit?
Me: Sayang yung bayad mo sa pagawa ng yearbook mo, ikaw din pala ang gagawa! HAHA.
Him : Okay lang, pag ikaw naman ang naggraduate, yung iyo naman ang gagawin ko. :D
Me: Genun kuya?
Him : Oo ate. Ikaw eh.

chos!

 Nakakapagtaka lang, bakit nga ba kami nagkikita? sabi ko nalang, sige! Friendly date! echusang palaka!

Oh ayan. Picture #2. Siya naman ang photographer.

Kung ano-ano nalang ang pinagusapan namin. Hindi ko na nga matandaan lahat lahat! Tapos may time pa na nag-uusap lang ako tapos nahuli ko siya nakatingin lang sa akin ng matagal. anubeh! ganun din naman ako sa kanya pag nagkekwento. Well, naglaitan lang naman kami. Kulitan. Nagtry bumili ng rugby para inumin. HAHA.  Nagaasaran. Kulitan na kumain ng bawal. HALULULU. Tapos minsan seryoso din mga bagay-bagay. :D

Nung palabas na kami, siya pa yung nagbukas ng pinto, inaasar ko pa siya sabi ko, "Mauna ka na." Tapos pinagalitan naman ako ng loko, "Anu ba. ikaw muna. Babae ka eh." Wow! HAHA. Tapos habang naglalakad kami, nagusap pa kami sabi pa niya, "Bakit ka umiyak nung ...." Sabi ko, "Wala yun. Di ba sabi mo kalimutan ko na?"

Ayun. Nangungulit padin hanggang tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya (pero hindi masiyado malayo) Tapos tumakbo din siya at tumabi sa akin sabi niya, "Hindi na." Tapos nakabunggo kami sabi niya, "Bakit ka bumubunggo sa akin?" sabi ko, "Hala! Pababa kaya yung daan dun oh. Na -out- of balance ako!"

Dahil dalaya niya yung novel ko, hanggang makarating kami sa sakayan, dala-dala niya yun. Tapos nung pasakay na ako ng jeep at binigay na niya sa akin, ABAH! nawala yung isang part ng pinaglalagyan! LOL. hinanap pa namin. HAHA. Siya naman matyagang naghanap. hihihi. Nakita naman niya yun. :D

Tapos nung pasakat na ako ng jeep, nag"TROPA" apir kami! sabi ko, "Bye pre. Ingat!" HAHA. pre lang. nagulat nga siya eh. tapos sumakay na ako. inantay pa niya ako makasakay bago siya umalis. Tapos biglang ngtext siya, "Ingat."

Hanggang makauwi ako, hindi ko na tiningnan yung cellphone ko. Tapos nung pag-dating ko sa bahay, nakita ko nagtext ulit siya sabi niya, "Nasa police station ako now. achuchuchu. churva." Basta about sa ganun yung text. KINABAHAN AKO! super! yun pala. joke lang. HAHA. grabe eh. Kapag mahalaga sayo ang isang tao, kapag ganun ang text, magpapanic ka talaga!

Ayun ang nangyari sa buong araw ng Friday ko! :) MASAYA! Parang walang katapusan. Sana lagi nalang ganito. :) Ngayon ko lang nafeel ang ganitong feeling. Ang daming butterflies sa tyan ko. Ang daming hearts,...LOLjoke

Thanks for patiently reading! <3 Masaya ako na kadamay kita sa kasiyahan ko!

God Bless! <3